Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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