You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
