oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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