I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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