please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This baby is an asshole
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
