Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
