He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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