I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
