the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
