If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
