He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
