if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
