I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
