She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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