theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
