dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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