"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
