i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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