Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
