I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
