he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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