Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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