U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
