Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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