Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
