So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I need moral support for this bender
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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