I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
how drunk are you?
Several
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