i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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