i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
