i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
