i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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