Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just googled if crying burns calories
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
