You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
