i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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