You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I still have a little drunk in my system
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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