Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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