Whod you bang
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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