I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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