I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
