when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Quick, to the slutcave!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
