At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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