HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
