my vag is so smooth its legendary
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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