Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
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