someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
