take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
