I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
