hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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