its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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