there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
