Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
